I could scream at the top of my lungs right now but I can't, because I don't want my parents coming in here and asking me what's wrong. ....ugh. Why do I always angst on here? It's kind of annoying actually and I feel like a science experiment with all the medication I've been changing to. *upset* I don't want panic attacks, I just want them to go away already... I've already made everything a mess.

My eyes are swollen and my head hurts and... I feel naucious. *sigh* I wish I had friends who have had panic attacks. (That was selfish of me) My mom asked me if I was manipulating her last night and I just cried harder and harder because everyone doesn't understand my words. I feel like if I have enough pain to endure I WILL go insane. I'm tired of fighting the waves of panic attacks... if humans could break... I'm definitely broken. I need someone to understand me... I don't know what to do anymore.

I need some sort of distraction right now, I wish I could have Xenosaga III before Christmas or something, I'd be playing it rabidly.... that or Final Fantasy XII.

I think I emotionally ate last night when we went to the Chinese restaurant... my brother's face was priceless.

Brother: "That's a lot of chicken."

Me: "*blink* It is? *stares blankly at plate*"

Me: "..." *eats it all with chopsticks insanely fast*

Mom: "You're pretty good with those!" *points to chopsticks*

Me: "Practice."